alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
