I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
