I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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