Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
