So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
