Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
