is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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