I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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