Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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