Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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