I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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