PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
