there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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