Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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