Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
