No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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