I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
