Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
