So drunk its hurt
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
