Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
