after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize