Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
