I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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