There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
