you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize