Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
