ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
