I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
