I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
