i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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