Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
