it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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