im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize