it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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