I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
