Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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