You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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