we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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