When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
