he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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