Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
