he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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