My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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