You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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