oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
