Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
