Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
