Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
3 2 1 whiskey
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
