We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
