Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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