i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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