So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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