Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize