i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
