thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
