And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
