You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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