why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize