It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
