yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
