U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize