There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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