I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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