Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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