Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
