I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
