I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
