I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
