I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
