nut hugger
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
