wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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