i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
